who are you?

As I sit in my dorm room, eating a fun-dip and contemplating the meaning of life, I can't help but begin reflecting on myself. What am I doing with my life?

The fact that I am sitting here eating candy and blogging instead of studying for my government test tomorrow is one indication as to where my priorities are and they certainly are not where they should be. There are literally so many better things that I could be doing with my life right now and I certainly am not striving for any of those at this moment.

There are so many parts of me that I detest. I am whiny, lazy, a huge procrastinator, I can be really mean, I get angry and jealous far too easily, I am far from humble I usually care more about myself than I do others, I put people down to make myself feel better, I make fun of people, I can have lots of confidence or no confidence at all, I do not talk to God nearly as much as I want to and should, I do not try as hard as I should, and I stay stupid things way too often.



But there are many other parts of me that I love. I love how creative I can be. I love how awkward I am because it always keeps things interesting. I love how weird I am. even though I say stupid things a lot of the time, I wouldn't take back anything I have said in the place of something "cooler". Although I fail most of the time, I try to focus on being the best person I could be. I try to stay involved, I try to help my friends when they need me, I try to remember to talk to God during times when I am happy, not just when I want something from him.

I have started to come to the realization the perfection is impossible; I can never be the perfect sister, friend, girlfriend, student, teammate, employee, or daughter. The impossibility of this is what make us human. We are given the opportunity to make mistakes so that we can learn from them and make ourselves better than the part of us that made that mistake. God gave us this ability to mess up over and over again because He didn't want us to be perfect. If we were perfect than there would be no depth to our lives and that would be rather boring.

So I am trying to start to come to terms with this idea of "imperfection" because in reality, I do not want to be anyone other than the best "me" I can be, and nobody else's idea of what I should be.