How to make me angry:

Lakota.

This word might not mean much to anyone else, but it means to world to my family and all others who have had this experience.

The Lakota Journey is a mission trip that my church family has gone on the past five years, I have gone the past four years, the longest of anyone at our church. Anyone who has been on this mission trip knows the powers of it. It is like when you go to a church camp and the speakers change you into wanting to be a better person and spread the word of God. But the Lakota Journey is still so much more than that. Imagine the summer camp, but the Lakota children are the ones who change you. You naturally want to love them with all your might, even if they do call you curse words and try to kick you in the shins every five minutes. For those five days we are with them, we are inseparable. They are all you think about. Everyday we count down the minutes until we get to go back and shower because we got mud thrown at us by an army of six year olds. And then, the next day they are waiting for us to open up the church so they can play with us again. Today, we might get a hug or a coloring book picture. It is just hard to put into words how much a person changes due to that Hell.

And yes, that place is a Hell. Not for us, no, we just visit for a week every summer then we get to go back to the comfort of  our homes. My life has changed in that Hell though. They have given me patience and those children are mostly the reason why I want to teach pre-k. Last year, we had the honor of having lunch at one of the youth organizations. The owner served us a lunch of homemade indian tacos and then told us stories about the Lakota people and their culture. The thing that made the most impact on me was when she told us that even just coming back each year for just a week is incredible because that week is those kids slice of heaven. And those words made me know that we had to keep coming back, no matter what the trials we may face.

And those trials surely came quickly. It was about last September when I got a message from my dad that our new pastor had decided to not have our church help fund the Lakota Journey because he wanted the church family's money to go to church camps, etc instead. I don't think he realized how pissed he just made my family. Of course, my parents were more calm about the situation, but I was prepared to message him on facebook and tell him how much of an idiot I thought he was for doing this. But I told people that I had saved the mission trip once (two years ago when our previous pastor was preparing to leave and move to Indiana for family issues and basically couldn't handle preparing for it. So,  got people together at the last minute and contacted the people in charge of the mission trip and begged to let our church still come.Then, my father finally stepped up and took care of the financial things and everything else.)

I know that we can get everything together again but it is going to be difficult. My dad doesn't want anymore than 10 people coming on the trip because he doesnt want to have to rent another van. But I say if 15 people want to come, then we should let them! Also, the church is not going to let us do a fund raiser or an offering through them to get the funds. They are being generous enough to let us put the money through the church so that we do not have to start a separate non-profit organization just to legally process the funding. So we have to get most of the funding by sending out letters to friends and family.

Now, all of these seems real stupid to me. We are called Christians, to strive to be Christ-like. That entitles spreading the word and love of Jesus Christ. Now, I don't know if I am just missing it, but doesn't that mean we are supposed to SPREAD THE WORD AND LOVE OF JESUS CHRIST. I can't help but get extremely upset over this situation because I do not understand why our new pastor would try to prevent it. I know that his reasoning may be "amiable", but I feel like continuing  this mission trip is just as amiable. I cannot wrap my mind around how he reasoned this, and it is to the point where I have gotten extremely upset with him, which I know is not fair of me, but I cannot help it when he has tried to hurt something that I am so passionate about.

However, I hope we are starting to make an impact on him. My parents have talked to him and my father and I have talked to the church recently about some of the things we have experienced on the trip. Even his son is semi-interested in going on the trip. I hope things turn around because I will not let the Lakota Journey die.

home.

Today, I moved back into my dorm room at college. I loved being at home for Christmas break and getting to spend quality time with my family and friends, but I was more than ready to see my college family again. I have a feeling that this semester is going to be so much greater than my first semester, which is saying something because I had the time of my life my first semester. Well, one might say, how can a this semester be any better? And it is solely because I already have such a great group of friends and support group than I had last semester. Although we did all of this at the end of last semester, I will have a study group, people to help me  with my homework, people to both distract me and keep me focused, a group to go eat with, I will have a group to conquer this semester with that I didn't have at the beginning of last semester. And I wouldn't trade them for the world.

buckets

Recently, one of my friends posted her Bucket List on to her blog account. That (and an afternoon watching "A Walk to Remember") inspired me to begin mine and post it! My Bucket List is a series of events I want to happen in my life, special moments to add to my timeline. Many of the things found on here are are quite...unrealistic but who cares!

1. Receive a New Years kiss 

2. Witness a miracle

3. Meet at least one member of One Direction 

4. Kiss Ed Sheeran (lips, cheek or forehead) 

5. Learn the "Time of Your Life" dance from Dirty Dancing 

6. Do the Dirty Dancing lift with someone who is in love with me 

7. Swim in the Dead Sea 

8. Visit every continent 

9. Backpack through Europe 

10. Swim with dolphins 

11. Discover something new 

12. Star in a music video 

13. Go snorkeling 

14. Learn to surf 

15. Kiss in the rain 

16. Dance in the rain 

17. Dance in the moonlight 

18. Sleep on the beach 

19. Go to the Carribean 

20. Visit Verona, Italy 

21. Meet a Prince 

22. Have a star named after me 

23. Have a pen pal 

24. Meet Liam Hemsworth 

25. Pay for a stranger's meal 

26. Run the color run with a group of friends 

27. Go to the Olympics 

28. Go on the a date with Sam Bradford 

29. Conquer a fear 

30. Go sky diving 

31. Go bungee jumping 

32. Enter outer space 

33. Impact someone's life for the better 

34. Cut my own hair 

35. Donate my hair to charity 

36. Live in a house on the beach
37. Visit one of the towns that a Nicholas Sparks movie was filmed in
38. Go on tour with a band
39. Watch frost form on a window
40. Have a drink with Chuck Norris and George Clooney
41. Watch all the Star Wars movies consecutively
42. Drive a vintage red Ford Mustang convertible
43. Get married to my bestfriend
44. Meet the Pope
45. Learn to salsa
46. Go horseback riding
47.  Meet Miley Cyrus
48. Meet Bono
49. Learn to drive stick shift
50. Help an elderly person
51. Have a campfire on the beach
52. Catch a fish
53. Read all of the Jane Austen novels and the Harry Potter books
54. Meet Sarah Dessen
55. Slow dance with John Mayer
56. Live on a ranch
57. Meet a president (past, present, future)
58. Become a mermaid
59. Own a brand new car
60. Save someone's life
61. Visit New York, London, Paris, and San Francisco
62. Go to Disney World and Disney Land
63. Start a charity
64. See a volcano erupt
65. Go skiing/snow boarding
66. Own a dog
67. Make homemade bread
68. See the real Titanic
69. Milk a Cow

70. ...

My list is not finished so there might be a time when a post random numbers and an event next to them, but keep in mind that it will be for this. And I vow to write about each event as the occur and I cross them off my bucket list. 

i want all of you, forever, you and me.

Lately, my friends and I have all been thinking about our weddings. What will our dress look like? What colors do we want? What kind of ring do we want? How do we want him to ask us?

We get so excited for the future and want to fast forward to our wedding day. However, I am now realizing that these moments in between are the moments that I will cherish. When I am ninety-four years old and laying on the beach in my bikini (yes I will be that grandmother and I WILL rock it), I will look back on my life, assuming I can still remember it, and reminisce on my in between years. I hope that I look back on all these lonely years of my life and laugh at how many times I tweeted about wanting to cuddle or wanting someone to sing me to sleep. I want to be able to remember my wedding day like it was yesterday. I want it to be in the top moments in my life, only following the birth of my children and grandchildren. However, I want to remember the first time I talked to the man that would become my husband. I want to remember what it felt like to fall in love with him. I want to remember what the first time we held hands, the awkward first date and the very awkward first kiss. I want to remember the butterflies I will get when I see him smile at me and the nervousness I will get when I meet his parents for the first time.

I want to remember thinking to myself how lucky I am to be with the man of my dreams and watching him make my every wish come true. I want to remember falling asleep on the phone with him because I wanted to talk to him forever but my body could not stay conscious long enough to say "goodnight". I want to remember him running up to me and hugging me just because he missed me or kissing me in public because he loves it when I blush. I want to remember him calling me while I am at lunch because he wanted me to be the first person who knew that he got a promotion and he couldn't wait any longer to tell me. I want to remember the moment when he looks into my soul through my eyes and breathlessly tells me "I love you" with no period or ending at all. I want to remember him talking me dancing and star gazing and to "our spot". I want to remember him telling me about his childhood and laughing at all the ridiculous things we did in college. I want to remember walking in to that room and locking eyes with him, feeling that pride in my soul to call such a hunk like him mine. And then walking up to him in that room as he takes my hands and tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me like for the thousandth time. Then, I want to remember, as our eyes are still locked, he descends. His body seems to float down. First he's down to my height and then millimeter by millimeter his eyes go below mine. His left knee begins to bend, slowly at first and the faster and faster and his height decreases faster and faster and my eyes stay locked on his and even though I want to look around and see if mom and dad are nearby or a million thoughts are running through my head because he might just be tying his shoe but part of me knows what he is doing and then he lets go of my right hand and sticks it in his pocket. Only for a brief second then his hand is back out, but it doesn't re-grab my right hand. I stare into his soul and search for some hope because if I don't soon I might faint. His left knee brushes against my right leg and then plummets quickly to the ground. And then time freezes. He doesn't tie his shoe. I can't look at my watch but I know that an eternity has passed. He says my name. I respond. He says "I love you always", I say "I love you forever". And then he says "I know." And then I know. I know he is mine forever. The next question he asks seems so inferior to the feelings I am experiencing yet so insanely important that I just want to hear him say it over and over again for the next century. He asks for the honor to have my hand in marriage. As I stare into his soul, already knowing the answer. Our souls are so together I forget to answer, assuming he already knew. Then my brain comes back to life and shouts "Yes!!" We automatically release our gaze and look at the my left hand. I stare at it. Waiting. And then in one fluid motion, his left hand fumbles a mysterious item and guides it to my hand, almost dropping it but catching it with his pointer finger, with my left hand resting on his free hand. Waiting. And then I see it. And it is so beautiful. But not as beautiful as the sight I see as I look at his face and he looks up at mine, tears forming in his eyes and then he looks back at my barren forefinger. Waiting. Waiting for him. And then I watch as a smile creeps up onto his face and I feel the warmth of his fingers and the coolness of the metal as it gracefully touches the tip of the fourth finger on my left hand. And then I watch. As he slides it down. Down. Down. Down my finger. And then it connects with my knuckle and it stops and I can't contain the happiness I feel and the tears are streaming down my face and he looks at me and we smile and then his hands reach around my waist and hold me tightly and mine find their place around his neck and then we share the most beautiful kiss the world has ever seen, filled with passion and love and happiness. And as he is spinning around and the world is spinning at the same time I realize that I truly am the luckiest girl in the entire world.

I want to remember the in between.

what is love? baby don't hurt me.

Love. 

If you know me at all, you can tell that I am hopelessly obsessed with love. I love cute, love songs. I cherish sappy, romantic movies, and romantic books are the cornucopia of love and sappiness. 

I feel as though the world has many different definitions and outlooks on love. According to Dictionary.com, there are four definitions of what love is and means. 
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for one another. 
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire
4. to need or require 

Love is all these things. Love is a combination of all of these definitions put together to make something so whole and complete. Many things that we love can easily fit under these definitions. 
1. We love our pets. No matter how annoying we might think they are, we have a tender, passionate affection for them and they have one back for us. 
2. We love our family and friends. I do not know where I would be without them. They do give us warmth and comfort when we need them. 
3. We love our spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, lover, etc. Pretty self explanatory
4. We love our God. We need him. He is required in my life. I would not be able to do anything without Him. 

What if?

"The past is the past." 
A simple saying that is so prominent in our day to day lives. We are told not to live in the past, not to have regrets, to basically forget our past. 
From my eighteen years of wisdom, I call bull. 

Whether we are willing to admit it or not, every single person has looked back on their life and hoped to do something different or wondered how their life would be like now if they had made different choices. 

What if? What if I had studied more for that math test? What if I had made more of an effort to be friends with that girl? What if I had pushed myself harder during those endless soccer workouts and practices? What if? 

Many times I have wished that I owned a time machine; I have wished that I could go back in time and make better decisions or taken more chances in life. Being a sheltered child, I was afraid to be adventurous for the longest time. I was afraid to roam in the hallways during my 7th grade science class. I was afraid to hangout with the boy who was labeled as a party boy. I was afraid of love. I was afraid of not fitting in. 

However, I have learned so much from my past. I have learned not to shut people out. I have learned to push myself even when my mind keeps telling me, "There is no way I can finish this lap,". I have that it is not cool whatsoever to judge someone. I have learned to take chances. I am learning to love.